2020 taught me and showed me a lot, and one of those things was that I was not taking the necessary time to prioritize or put effort into self-development and self-care. Something else I learned is that self-development is self-care. I want to share 7 self-development books that have had a personal effect on me over the past year. I really hope they will help you develop an abundant mindset for 2021 as they have for me!
1. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
This book undoubtedly was the most influential book of 2020 and changed my life last year. As a life-long perfectionist, I have always lived in fear of not saying it best, doing it best, creating it best, etc. In this book, it was like Elizabeth Gilbert was basically giving me the permission that I thought I always needed to accept myself as a real writer, a real creative, and to let go of external opinions and pressure, and just simply CREATE. Without this book, I’m not sure I would have had the confidence and the ability to shake my perfectionism in order to create Wally The Wandering Wallaby’s Around The World Adventure!
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from Big Magic that inspired me massively:
- Perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat.
- A good-enough novel violently written now is better than a perfect novel meticulously written never.
- You do not need anybody’s permission to live a creative life.
I recommend this to all the perfectionists out there, and to anyone looking to live a creative life.
2. Atomic Habits by James Clear
This was another game-changer for me! I’ve always been an ambitious person, with lots of ideas, lots of interests, lots of creativity, and lots of determination. But I noticed that a lot of these things I just listed came in waves. I’d get really gung-ho about something for a little while, then I’d kind of let that habit fade and move on to something else. I LOVED how this book went into the psychology of why we don’t stick with our habits and different methods and strategies to help you stay on track with your goals by forming long-lasting habits.
One particular strategy I loved in this book was the idea of habit-stacking. “One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top.” (James Clear) For example, a few goals over the past year have been to exercise M-F and read more. I started listening to audiobooks WHILE I workout and now I am reading several books per month and I’m excited to go to the gym because that means I get to read more!
It was also reminiscent of Big Magic in the way of letting go of perfectionism and to just start DOING.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
- When you’re in motion, you’re planning and strategizing and learning – those are all good things but they aren’t producing a result. Action on the other hand is the type of behavior that will deliver an outcome. If I outline 20 ideas for articles I want to write – that’s motion. If I actually sit down and write an article – that’s action…Sometimes motion is useful but it will never produce an outcome by itself.
- We are so focused on figuring out the best approach that we never get around to taking action. As Voltaire once wrote, “The best is the enemy of the good.”
I’d recommend this to anyone looking to get serious about making changes in their lives (both big and small!) or anyone who has some major goals to accomplish this year and wants to get in the right mindset.
3. The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
I found this book and Atomic Habits to overlap quite a bit, but I recommend reading both because I felt like The Compound Effect gave me inspiration and motivation where Atomic Habits was a bit more about building systems and how to build off of that inspiration and motivation!
Author Darren Hardy explains that The Compound Effect is the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices. He even spells it out in a formula:
Small, smart choices + consistency + time = radical difference
He talks about this in pretty much every aspect of your life, from relationships to fitness, to wellness, work, finance, and beyond. In one example he talks about the compounding effect of a single penny that doubles every day for 31 days and how that has a larger payoff than taking $3 million in cash today.
What I loved about this book is that it doesn’t claim to have some sort of secret formula. At the end of the day, the secret formula is staying consistent, working hard, and going the extra mile – a lot of people don’t like to hear it but there’s a reason why they say the last mile is always the least crowded. It’s a good reminder that there isn’t a secret formula, that if you want to be successful in life you need to PUT IN THE WORK AND BE PATIENT.
4. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes
I just started this book but already know it’s a game-changer and needed to be on this list of self-development books – especially if you are an introvert or find yourself being held back in life. This memoir/self-help book is from Shonda Rhimes, the award-winning mastermind behind Shondaland productions like Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and most recently Bridgerton. I’d say this book is on the same wavelength as Big Magic which I mentioned above but is much more of a memoir and has a lot more storytelling (which I love!). I’d say that the theme of “just DO IT, create stuff, and stop holding yourself back” is very similar though.
Here are a few quotes I love from Year of Yes:
- Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.
- They tell you: Follow your dreams. Listen to your spirit. Change the world. Make your mark. Find your inner voice and make it sing. Embrace failure. Dream. Dream and dream big. As a matter of fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until your dream comes true. I think that’s crap. I think a lot of people dream. And while they are busy dreaming, the really happy people, the really successful people, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people? Are busy doing.”
5. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
I have EXTREMELY mixed feelings about The Secret, but the reason I am including it is because I do LOVE the overall messaging of manifestation and that you can channel positivity and goodness into your life if you go out of your way to cultivate positivity and keep negativity out of your mind. After reading this book, I actually have found myself realizing when negative thoughts were coming into my mind and it truly has helped me bring more positivity into my day and keep negativity at bay. Overall, I love the messaging of the law of attraction and that thoughts become things/feelings. I really do believe in that and do believe it can change your life. (That’s why I’m such a massive fan of Vision Boards too!)
HOWEVER…this book also had me ROLLING MY EYES several times throughout the book. I felt like the author Rhonda Byrne was trying to push this idea that if you think it (even with no action) it will literally just magically appear. She goes into an example of how one day she was reading a magazine and it was blurry so she went to grab her reading glasses. She suddenly had an epiphany that it wasn’t that she couldn’t read the words in the magazine but she had been conditioned to think that she needed glasses because she was middle-aged. So she started repeating to herself that she had perfect eyesight and in 3 days POOF she had perfect eyesight again and didn’t need the reading glasses anymore. Ummmm, I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works?
But anyways, if you ignore that and a few stories about how if you just believe and picture checks coming in the mail your bills will turn into checks, there is actually a fantastic overarching message to take away from this book so that is why I still recommend it!
6. The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
This is one of those books that you could probably come back to once per year – I am thinking about re-reading this every January as a general reminder of how to be a good human and how to find happiness within yourself.
The Four Agreements that Don Miguel Ruiz talks about in this Toltec Wisdom Book are as follows:
- BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD: Speak with integrity, say only what you mean, avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others, and use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
- DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY: Nothing others do is because of you, what others say and do is a projection of their own reality/their own dream, when you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. (ps. I somewhat disagree with this because I do think you need at least some outside opinions to see when you are wrong/have done something wrong, otherwise, you might go through life hurting people and not knowing or caring? but that’s just my opinion, maybe I’m being too picky…)
- DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want, communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. (With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life)
- ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST: Your best is going to change from moment to moment – it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, under any circumstance simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
None of these concepts are new obviously, but it was just a really good reminder of so many basic human interaction/communication skills that we often forget about or don’t pay enough attention to.
If everyone remembered this quote, for example, I think the world would be a much better place!
“We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole drama for nothing.”
7. The Decision by Kevin Hart
I first heard about Kevin Hart’s audiobook through listening to his interview on The Tim Ferris Show. Everyone knows Kevin Hart, but do you know his INCREDIBLE story of resilience and perseverance? He went from commuting EVERY DAY from Philly to the comedy clubs in NYC via bus or hitching rides, to being booed off stage countless times, and even having chicken thrown at him while on stage to one of the world’s most recognized and beloved comedians. In his audiobook, The Decision, he invites readers to join him in what he calls the “Kevin Hart mental fitness boot camp” and asks readers: are you ready to get your mind right and prepare for the battle of your life?
The audiobook is all about becoming the best version of yourself and how to harness your energy and eagerness to succeed for YOU, no one else. He says, “The game of life is one of obstacles, and it’s about overcoming those obstacles having the mindset to realize that just because one obstacle got in your way, it doesn’t mean that you are supposed to stop. It means you need to figure out how to get around it.”
Listen to this book as inspiration for anytime you get knocked down, know you can get back up.
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